How to build intimacy in a relationship and maintain it for a long time
Whether it’s the classic “Liang Shanbo and Zhu Yingtai” or the romantic interpretation of “Titanic”, love, as a topic that people have to talk about, seems to have always been debated. It is said that love can’t beat the seven-year itch, but in fact, many people may experience the death of love before they have time to meet the ultimate boss.
Hey, love is really a metaphysics that people can’t understand. Well, to help you keep your hairline and eat less of the pain of love, let’s start talking about love.
From the perspective of evolutionary psychology, falling in love is based on natural selection, genetic inheritance and sexual reproduction; From Erikson’s stage theory of social development, intimacy and loneliness are necessary links in our life. According to Maslow’s hierarchy of needs theory, love can satisfy individuals’ needs of belonging and love… Then the problem comes.
Why are there so many problems in love?
For both parties involved in a relationship, there is no doubt that time will wear off the novelty, replaced by small conflicts and all kinds of incomprehension. So we can often brush “the other party does not understand themselves”, “I actually just want…, why he (she) does not…” and other related statements, in fact, it is not difficult to see that in love we often have to face the bug is “emotional monster”.
In intimate relationships, we often feel very grumpy because of the “uncertain factors”, and because we are eager to get rid of this emotion, we constantly ask, but emotions often roll bigger and bigger in this “you chase me” atmosphere. For example: the other party did not reply to your message, but just tell you that you are busy, then you can imagine a “big drama”, in the process of your questioning you understand one thing but there will be other uncertain factors, and your repeated inquiry will eventually usher in the other party does not respond, so you become more anxious. In order to avoid waiting for the other person’s “instant gratification”, maybe we can try to adjust our thoughts or shift our attention.
How do we build and maintain long-lasting relationships?
1. Learn to compromise
In the early stages of a relationship, partners respect each other and pay attention to each other’s feelings. But as time goes on, we also have things that we want to do, hobbies that we enjoy, and that our partner may not be particularly interested in.
In order to maintain a long-term relationship, it’s important for both of us to recognize this shift and make adjustments.
2. Communicate your feelings openly
Effective communication is crucial in long-term relationships. Sometimes we keep things to ourselves because we don’t want to “bother” our partner. Or sometimes our persistence, which may come from a feeling of “I can’t lose”, seems to get caught up in a “power struggle”. Whatever the reason, when it comes to our feelings, it’s important to keep communication flowing and avoid covering up the truth.
3. Don’t argue about “wins and losses”
When the argument is more about “winning” than solving problems, you both lose. When you encounter a problem, try to find a solution that is acceptable to both of you. Don’t get bogged down in “arguing.” This may sound difficult, but it can be very helpful.
4. Get to know your partner
Even couples who have been together for years, it’s easy to forget how their partner shows affection. Taking the time to recognize and appreciate these expressions is the best way to encourage your partner.
5 Reject cold violence
Although sometimes we feel that it’s better to stay silent when we’re angry than to say hurtful things. But the truth is that silence can be just as painful for the other person and can even be damaging to a relationship.
In addition to being silent and hurting the other person, speaking your mind in a flat tone when angry, actively communicating with the other person, and listening to the other person’s needs are the quickest ways to solve the problem.
6 Give each other space
Some people are not used to the feeling of being apart. But the truth is, everyone needs personal space, even if we don’t always realize it.
It’s not easy to be in a long-term relationship. May you be fully capable of love and always remain patient with “love”.
The real quality of intimate relationship, to know how to give each other spiritual satisfaction, in the long cooperation, always understand each other, support each other, accommodate each other, may each intimate relationship can become our warm haven.
How to do after love setbacks
Love is not always smooth sailing. Setbacks are common. In love frustration psychology, especially unrequited love, lovelorn is even worse. It will cause a series of emotional responses and behavioral responses, roughly will go through four stages:
1. about a week after the break up, this stage due to the sudden break of the relationship, will produce a sense of maladjustment, prone to appear relatively strong extreme emotions, especially the broken up party, will feel very angry and confused.
2. Two weeks to a month after the break up, individuals often experience low mood, reduced behavior or shift their attention to other things.
3. Six months to a year after the breakup, this is a period of nostalgia, and some lovelorn people will try to get back together.
4. About a year after the breakup, the lovelorn will no longer look forward to the end of the relationship, generally give up the possibility of saving the relationship, adapt and prepare to start a new life.
In the face of the failure of love, the individual’s “anti-frustration ability” is crucial, we can choose our own customary way to get rid of emotional troubles, of course, we can also seek the strong support of partners around us, pour out their troubles. Of course, from the “psychological defense mechanism” point of view, we can also choose a positive way to open, such as sublimation: as soon as possible to sublimate the lovelessness into a kind of upward motivation, as soon as possible into the study or work.