Learn to trust
They say that learning to trust is one of life’s toughest challenges, but do you think it’s true?
You can think of someone for five years and not be able to rely on them. You can sleep with the other person for months and you still can’t bring yourself to trust them. However, trust is essential if you want a relationship to work!
It’s one of the components needed to live a good life. Why? Because if trust isn’t there, feelings of fear and doubt are bound to arise, which can be quite damaging.
So, how do you build trust and build a strong foundation for a relationship? Read on to find out eight things you can do!
1. Be trustworthy
Trust breeds trust. Like respect, trust is a two-way street.
Both parties in a relationship have to be honest and loyal in order for the relationship to build, and of course this is very difficult.
So, it’s not enough to just trust your partner, your partner has to trust you too.
You have to make sure that those values are rewarded and that you’re both held accountable for your actions. If your partner has some expectations that you simply can’t meet, be honest with them.
Don’t lie to your partner in order to “protect” the relationship, because I can assure you that doing so will only make things worse.
Be honest. Be loyal. And most importantly, be yourself.
2. “We,” not “I.”
When you’ve built trust in a relationship, the next thing to do is move on to your relationship.
Don’t get me wrong. You shouldn’t lose yourself in a relationship. At all times, you should feel secure about who you are and what you have.
However, you do need to adjust to certain changes. When you have a partner, you become a team.
You can’t just focus on your individual wants and needs the way you would if you were single.
You have to realize that your partner’s wants and needs are just as important as yours in a relationship, so you have to learn how to compromise.
This was the hardest lesson my boyfriend and I learned when we first started our relationship. Whenever we had a fight, we were hostile and defensive.
But when things don’t go well, we both realize and understand that it’s up to us to fight our problems, not turn on each other.
Since then, although we will still have petty arguments, we will have more empathy and patience after we get rid of our selfish mindset.
3. Always remember that communication is key
After laying the foundation for a solid team, the most logical step is consistency. And how can you do that? Through effective communication skills.
Communication is more than just talking. You can spend hours talking to your partner and not be able to resolve certain issues.
This means opening up to your partner and being vulnerable and transparent.
If you want your relationship to work, you have to try and really communicate, and that includes listening with your heart, even if it’s uncomfortable at times.
At the same time, it’s the perfect opportunity to work through certain issues that are bothering you. Try talking about your concerns, needs, and fears. Ask your partner, too. You can’t build trust where walls are built.
4. Watch your words
When you’ve communicated with the other person in an effective way, now is the time to work on what you say and how you say it.
Let’s say you and your partner have been together for a long time. You may feel comfortable enough to say certain things instead of trying to cover them up.
Again, don’t get me wrong. Nothing builds trust like honesty. But there’s a fine line between being honest and simply being mean.
Sometimes, when people are angry, they say hurtful things to their partners. Always remember that everyone has a different point of view.
There are situations where your intentions may not be clear to your partner, which is why it is necessary to watch your words. Remember that words can cut like a knife.
5. Set boundaries
In addition to being mindful of your intentions and how your partner will react to what you say, you also need to protect and examine your own boundaries.
Trust implies vulnerability. It means showing your flaws and being more open with your partner. It also means accepting your partner wholeheartedly, even if they have imperfections.
But, it doesn’t mean condoning those unacceptable behaviors.
You should also know where to draw the line in order to build trust in a relationship. Boundaries delineate what is OK and what is not.
As individuals, it’s important to have personal boundaries. Discussing them with your partner will help identify things or people (if any) they should avoid so as not to break your trust. Of course, you’ll want to ask them about themselves as well.
As much as you love and respect each other, you and your partner will still have disagreements. And identifying those differences, finding what you have in common, is essential to building trust in your relationship.
6. Be responsible and practice what you preach
After defining your boundaries, you should also know how to hold each other accountable in the relationship. After all, how you feel about your partner and what they think plays a role.
As human beings, it’s normal to make mistakes once in a while.
Sometimes in a relationship, we do certain things or say certain things that can hurt our partner. For example, sometimes we can’t help but tell white lies. It may be on purpose, or it may be by accident.
Whatever the case, it’s important that you know how to be responsible for your words and actions. Both of you should acknowledge the impact you have on your partner’s life.
Take responsibility for your mistakes, persevere, and try to change for the better. Nothing is more damaging to a relationship than a breakdown of trust, followed by more lies and unchanging behavior.
7. Actions speak louder than words
When you know how important responsibility and consistency are in a relationship, then both need to be shown in action.
We’ve all heard the saying, and while it may seem corny, it’s true: “Actions speak louder than words“
In order to build trust, your actions should match your words. You can’t promise to be honest and then lie about it when it’s inconvenient.
You can’t draw a line and then cross it. You can write a whole paragraph about why your partner should trust you, but if you don’t follow through with extrinsic behavior, it won’t have the same effect.
If you really want to build trust in your relationship, you have to be consistent. You should be consistent with your words, because words without action are just empty promises.
8. Seek help from a professional
When you’ve done all these things and still don’t have confidence that you’ll be able to build trust with your partner, or if you still have doubts and insecurities, then maybe there are underlying issues that need to be addressed.
Sometimes, no matter how hard we try to analyze the situation, we just don’t know what to do. If you ever find yourself in a situation like this, it may help to reach out to a professional.
A professional may be able to offer unique insight or a different perspective on certain issues in your respective relationship that can help both you and your partner.
Can a relationship last without trust?
Yes, there are some relationships that can last a long time despite the lack of trust. But, if you really think about it, what do you think about the quality of the relationship? Is it healthy? Does it give you a sense of security?
Trust me, it can’t. Not trusting your partner and your relationship will only worsen the problems you already have, both individually and as a couple.
There will always be feelings of doubt and paranoia, which can also lead to jealousy and insecurity, which can really take a toll on one’s self-esteem and mental health.
Can you love someone but not trust them?
Yes, I know that very well. When I was young, I had a girlfriend and I loved her very much.
Unfortunately, she was not always honest with me. Did something that hurt my feelings, and as a result, my trust in her was broken. But because I loved her, I didn’t leave. I didn’t end the relationship – at least not right away.
I gave our relationship another chance. However, contrary to what others like Romeo and Juliet have said, our love is not enough.
Despite choosing to forgive her, I will never be able to forget. I can never fully trust her. Whenever she was with someone else, I would overthink it and become paranoid.
I started to have doubts. It was hard to believe everything she said. I began to question her and our relationship. Finally, we had to face the inevitable. We broke up.
A relationship without trust is not a healthy relationship. Just as plants need water and sunlight to survive, relationships need trust and love to last.
You can’t just choose one or the other. It has to be both. You can’t feel safe and secure in a relationship if you don’t trust your partner, and vice versa.
Trust is fragile, and it’s not something you can build alone.
Building trust is not easy. It takes time, especially if you’ve been tormented by lies and betrayal. Without it, however, you can only expect a relationship to fail.
Always remember that trust is a two-way street. In order for a relationship to have a solid foundation, both partners must work to build trust in the relationship. It can’t just be you, and it can’t just be your partner.
Of course, no relationship is perfect. Whether we like it or not, relationships always have to be tested. That’s why it’s important to invest time, effort, and energy in acknowledging and working through these issues.