The biggest characteristic of people who are easily upset and unhappy is: self-closure.
Most social circles of self-enclosed people are narrow and overly dependent on “familiarity.”
They like to eat in familiar places, follow familiar paths, and be with familiar people.
Of course, if it is just the above, in fact, there is no problem and normal.
In fact, the point is that they are reluctant to accept new people and things, do not want to try new things, do not want to go to new places, like to shut themselves away.”
They rely too much on the “safety of familiarity” when going to new and unfamiliar places and meeting new people.
This can lead to high levels of stress, even panic, and an involuntary desire to escape.
But staying in the same place, with the same group of people, and having your own little place. Is that wrong?
There’s nothing wrong with that.
But, I would say, if you are the kind of person who is prone to unhappiness and emo yourself.
Externally, your situation, the people you meet around you, the things you are doing, the circumstances you are in, are draining you, not replenishing you.
Internally, your way of thinking, your logic, your patterns of behavior, the beliefs you hold, and the truths you know consume you internally.
Happiness and happiness are measured by more than just money and material things.
It depends more on your values and worldview.
If you don’t see the world enough to make you feel “interesting,” you will slowly lose your curiosity about the world, and you will slowly lose your interest in exploring yourself.
This is what we call “self-solidification.” Think about it, if you are in your early 20s, your mind is solidified.
Then in the rest of life, it is only possible to repeat the “previous life” over and over again. Do you realize the seriousness of the problem? It’s very scary.
If a person, in a state of distress, passively chooses to shut himself off in solitude.
This escape will only make us more miserable and depressed,
Even, it’s not just about whether we are happy or not, it’s about whether we can grow or not.
People have inertia, the inertia of your personality and the inertia brought by the environment.
The longer the time, the greater the inertia, the less possible to break out of the inertia.
If we really realize, “I’m not happy.”
Even if it’s just out of respect for ourselves, taking responsibility for our emotions, we are in control of our own lives.
We are obligated to seek change, because only when we change can we break free, can we become better.
Don’t start thinking if you fail, will you become worse than you are now?
Make yourself happier, happier, more energetic, more interested in the world, and kinder to the people and things around you.
Could there be another way?
“I’m in my own little world. I’m happy. I like to be around my friends and family. I like familiar places.”
There must be.
I want to say that such happiness is not stable enough, and it is in danger.
Because the reality we have to face is that “as we grow up, the environment around us will change, people and things will change, and inevitably all kinds of times will pass by.”
The real status quo is: “People around you will come and go, and you may one day be forced to leave your familiar environment. For example, we will leave our high school surroundings for college. Later, we will leave the familiar university and go into social work.”
And each change of scene means “we need to adapt to new rules of the environment, meet new people and things, and say goodbye to our past.”
Therefore, I always emphasize to everyone that “we must have the consciousness of planning ahead.”
People are overly optimistic when they are in a happy state.
There is always an unconscious illusion that this state of happiness will last forever.
In fact, it’s not. Happiness and pain go hand in hand.
So we have to be happy, when our emotional state is higher, when we have the ability to change ourselves.
To optimize our cognition, to internalize a large number of inputs and outputs, and to increase our “happy stability.”
Weakening future pain is a huge blow to us.
Seek, as much as possible, the ability to be happy even when I am alone.
Let’s face it, most people don’t have the ability to “entertain themselves.” The reason may be that they don’t respect themselves enough.
Perhaps their state of life, always eager to “with another person’s cooperation to get happiness”, but the fact is:
Their own cooperation with their own have not reached, they will attack and suppress themselves, it can be predicted that in the relationship between lovers, they will struggle.
You need to learn the ability to be happy even when you are alone:
Often, the person is able to explore and sense the freshness of the world around him on his own.
There is something to do for oneself, and one can feel worth and satisfaction.
You don’t rely too much on “cooperation with others” for lack of security.
The ability to make yourself happy is also the ability to balance.
This road may be very long.
And on the way to getting better, there will certainly be moments of doubt, disappointment and sadness.
There will even be breakdowns.
So the most important thing is that “we have to accept that this is going to happen, so that when it does, we can try to avoid a devastating blow.“
By accepting the “foreseeable reality,” we can prepare ourselves willingly.
To soften the blow of a catastrophic outcome, mental preparation is of the utmost importance.
The essence of mental preparation is:
“Enumeration of different eventualities, positive and negative, even concrete possibilities, and understanding in advance why these events will occur.”
Not “absolute optimism, not absolute pessimism.”
We need to objectively predict the possibility of events, and list some emergency plans, psychological adjustments, and actions to take.
Most people’s life is not so good, or could not be better reasons.
They are “bouncing back and forth between over-optimism and over-pessimism.“
When you are positive, you blindly think, “I will always be happy.”
Happy to the point of being carried away, happy to the point of being immersed in a sense of self-satisfaction, slow growth or even stagnation.
In the negative and pessimistic times, the extreme thinking “I will never get out of this” is like falling out of love.
You get stuck in a cycle of sadness, self-denial, and despair.
What we have to do is, when we are in a better state, when we are in an open state.
Implement some changes into our lives, understand and digest some ideas more deeply, think more, write more, and output more.
From knowing and understanding to believing and believing, from believing in ideas to implementing actions, and finally into the principles of your life.
Must be prepared for a rainy day, do not get carried away, do not be complacent, do not give birth to superiority in your heart, and do not begin to solidify.
At the same time, another state.
It may be the state you face after the shock, “My life is dark, it can’t get better, it really sucks.”
But the truth is, most of our “bad and hopeless” situations, we accept them the next day and sleep them off.
Time can pass a lot of things, and the fear will be reduced as we “adjust”.
Life nine times out of ten is unpleasant, remember that we are still alive, there is still tomorrow.
Here’s what you need to do:
1. Read more, think more, write more, and practice more
2. Put it down and get out
“Read more, think more, write more, practice more.”
Reality has always been reality, and most of our disappointments come from “unreasonable expectations”.
And some of these unreasonable expectations come from “huge information gaps.”
The real way to make up for the information gap is not to understand the nature of everything on a case-by-case basis.
But through the construction of “mental structures”, to understand the way the world works.
This requires us to see more, think more, compare more and refine more. In order to achieve.
“Put it down and walk out”
Drop what?
Let go of our comfort zones, let go of our paranoia, let go of our superiority, let go of our fantasies and reserve.
Go where?
Into reality, out of your comfort zone, towards objective reason.
Go to strange places. Get into people.
We can see different ways of life in different people, and some of these different ways of life may surprise you.
Judge less, feel more.
Don’t always have such and such standards for yourself, for others, and for life.
This is good, this is bad.
Perhaps, one day, we will no longer face our lives with an “outsider” attitude, facing ourselves and others.
Only then can we truly enter into life and be an “insider”.
Only then can we have the ability to immerse and feel life.
Only then can we feel that we are real.
At the same time, we need to judge less and feel more.
Less use God’s perspective to judge the people and things around us, and less use our own values and standards to judge the right and wrong of others.
Don’t always try to change others, you can’t even change yourself, and talk about changing others. Of course, it doesn’t mean that you can change yourself, you can change others, because you never know what others think.
In this way, you will only increase the annoyance.
Feel more, maybe we can understand others’ behavior from a more positive perspective.
Maybe you can feel more tenderness and kindness.